her facebook's as public as her vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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