listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
