He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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