i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
