new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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