Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
