I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
