if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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