He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
