I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
