I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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