I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
