I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
