3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
