Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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