Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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