How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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