Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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