yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
