I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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