the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
