I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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