can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
