So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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