I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
