Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
