he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Hippo gnu deer
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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