yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
