I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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