my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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