just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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