Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
