but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
