this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
