I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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