My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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