Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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