I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
