i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just high enough for therapy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
