Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
