I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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