The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
