ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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