nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
