I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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