I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
