I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
