he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
