You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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