Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
