Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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