i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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